I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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