It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
