last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
