i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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