you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
