A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
