happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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