Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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