That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
