Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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