Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
