can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
