How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
