and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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