I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
