bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
