she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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