Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
