You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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