i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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