Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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