I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
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I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
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Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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