So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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