I haven't been this sober since birth.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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