she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
