not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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