What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
farters have to be the big spoon...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
