i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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