So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
