I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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