I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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