I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
