Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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