Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
