At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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