I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
