I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
