Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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