girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
