dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
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I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
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He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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