Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
