A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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