Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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