You made me cry and you don't even care
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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