just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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