Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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