Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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