oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
