i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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