Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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