Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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