I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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