I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
