I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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