The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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