I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
