my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The power of my boobs compel you
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All the doctor said was why
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
