Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Fuck appropriateness.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
