Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
