Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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