How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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