just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
